Reflections

I'm going to take some time and devote myself to writing some sort of thought(s) down every day for at least a month.

This past year has been the absolute hardest of my life so far, and I'm only in my early 20's.  Somehow, I've gotta figure out how to bounce back and keep going and even more, move forward.

So, stick with me if you will, while I write out my thoughts every day.  Some days they may be great, some days they may be depressing.  But through it all, God is in control.  He knows.  He knows what's going on.  He knows my heart.

So the first installment isn't all that uplifting, just some midnight thoughts comin' at ya.....

I miss my Dad.  He was mine.  He was special.

I was his Miami (My Emmie).

He taught me how to get a spoon to keep
going around a cup or pitcher when you
stir the liquid fast enough and let it go.

I’ve survived one year without him.
And truth be told, even if he’d still been alive
I wouldn’t have talked to him very much. It
just wasn’t our style.  But he would have been
there.

What would I have accomplished if he hadn’t
died?  Would I have enjoyed things here
because I didn’t have to deal with grief?
Or would things have been the same?

I don’t know how to cope with this. I don’t
know how to deal with it.

Grief is hard.  It hurts.  It's strange to be grieving the loss of my father.  Many have said 'do what you need to cope' 'grieve however you need to.'  Well, ya know.....I've never been through this.....I don't know what I need to do to cope, or how I need to grieve.

But I do recognize the things that make me joyful, the little things that make me smile:
Pouring boiling water into my french press on top of coffee grounds.
Drinking that delicious coffee.

Successfully making pancakes (subbing banana for eggs, and adding red raspberries on top).

Being productive and feeling accomplished.

A new episode of a really good tv show.
Hot tea (an antioxidant blend that I call Elephant tea because it has an elephant on the front of the box).

A bowl of my absolute favorite ice cream (Turkey Hill - Southern Lemon Pie).

A large bouquet of fresh flowers.

Counting down the days until a special event.

So these are a few of my favorite things....and when the dog bits, and the bee stings, and generally when I'm feeling sad.....these are what I will look to and hold close.

I praise my God for His love and provision of my favorite things, especially at the right moments when I need them most.